he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
