Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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