You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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