so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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