i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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