I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
