I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
