Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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