you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
