I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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