i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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