So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
