i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
