When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
