I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
