I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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