standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
