After last night, I could never be a politician.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
