can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
