So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My cat gives me a boner
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
