Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
