Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
