Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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