HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
