yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
