I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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