It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
