I think my fart just growled at me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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