I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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