i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
