She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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