My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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