so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
