he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
