Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
