I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
