it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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