it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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