i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
