When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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