we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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