it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
