The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
