She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
