very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
