The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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