You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
