My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
