Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
