i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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