I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
