Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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