no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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