dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
