After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
