Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
