i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize