Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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