He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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