we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
