remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
