I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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