I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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