i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
