So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
