Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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