yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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