I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
