There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
