i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
