started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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