Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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