Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
im on a boat
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