R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
