Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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