Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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